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34. Be Universally Condescending Whilst Riding a Fixie

Portlandia nailed it.

31. You Occupied Wall Street

You’re fucking society up royally.

“It’s like, instead of looking in the mirror and going ‘why the fuck am I not doing better?’ you just find some guy who’s got more shit than you and go ‘hey man, what do you need all that shit for?’  It’s the same version as ‘hey man, what do you need an MVP trophy for?’ Because I bust my ass, that’s why.  Or maybe I’m just genetically better than you.  Either way buddy, I got the trophy, cause I’m better than you.  So shut the fuck up and get the fuck back to work.  Or better yet, back on the bench where you belong …  The real world doesn’t give a fuck where you’re from or what  your mommy said you were or how pretty you are or what you do, they don’t give a fuck.  And all those lies that were told to you by your parents about how special you are and how no one was created like you, and all these bullshit advertisements … about there’s just one you … doesn’t mean shit when you get to the real world and you’re just pee-on #27 who’s putting in an application and guess what, I don’t like your attitude douche.  Get your fucking feet off my desk, hit the bricks, I’m not hiring you.  Now your plan is to come back and throw a brick at my window.”  -Adam Corolla

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